


It Blooms Painfully

by grossnoona



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drabble, Happy Ending, Love Confessions, M/M, kinda unbeta bc im stupid, ritsu becomes an in denial gay bc hes stupid, there are other things i should be working on but maorits good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:48:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22161340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grossnoona/pseuds/grossnoona
Summary: Ritsu is aware of hopeless it is to be in love with Mao.Yet he can’t bring himself to stop these painful feelings that bloom in his chest.He wants them to stop. Stop spreading this warm affection in his chest as he yearns for Mao’s sweet voice. Ritsu can’t handle it anymore.It hurts.It hurts so much. He can’t take it anymore.He knows Mao won’t love him the same way.
Relationships: Isara Mao/Sakuma Ritsu
Comments: 4
Kudos: 62





	It Blooms Painfully

**Author's Note:**

> (pops party poppers)  
> I need to stop writing maoritsu drabbles  
> dont I have anything else for once (I do--I'm just lazy to work on them)  
> today's maoritsu was supposed to be cute but bc im sick, it became smth else whoops  
> anyway, I hope you have fun!!  
> I've never really written proper confession drabble for them so I hope this is a fun read!

It’s strange, isn’t it? Ritsu has been trying to find the courage to voice these scary words out of his throat but they get stuck. It seems so unlikely that Ritsu would be scared of confessing his feelings to Mao but here he was, staring into his bedroom ceiling. When did saying  _ I love you _ become so hard? Ritsu chalks it up to the very moment Ritsu realised that the weight of those words. As soon as he found out that those words could make him flutter when his feelings could be returned, those words became difficult to utter.

“ _ I love you _ ,” Ritsu mumbles as he hugs his pillow tightly. He feels himself turn red as he thinks about even managing to squeeze them out of his throat in front of Mao. It makes him want to scream. He can’t do it at all.

There are probably better ways to confess outside of the typical sunset-colored classroom confession, right? What about the quiet and personal confession behind the school building? Ritsu doesn’t have the guts to do that either. Confession letter? Ritsu isn’t creative enough for that, to be honest. What about the embarrassing roof-top confession? Ritsu never has the energy to be that loud and honest about his feelings to the public. Should Ritsu wait for Summer to do the famous firework confession in hopes that Mao would kiss him? Ritsu doesn’t have the patience for it, though. Had Ritsu be able to turn back time―Ritsu would try to muster enough courage to do the sweet confession under the cherry blossom trees  _ but _ Mao’s allergies won’t allow them to have such a sweet scene.

Ritsu wants to find a way to confess, though. He really wants to pour these messy sweet feelings he has for Mao. He wants to be able to sing his heart out for Mao.

_ Though, it’s scary whenever he thinks about confessing to Mao _ .

The ability to confess those feelings to Mao is one worry, the chances of his feelings getting reciprocated is another. Mao’s ideal type has never really been Ritsu. They’re far from him, actually. Ritsu doesn’t fit the mold of a sweet-voiced lover, really. Ritsu is a spoiled brat that would throw tantrums when things don’t go his way. Ritsu can’t be the kind of person Mao wants to date and somehow that thought scares him from confessing. Mao won’t like him. It’s obvious in the way he talks about his ideal types. It’s painfully obvious. Ritsu wants to laugh.

Ritsu curls up into a ball as he sighs deeply. Having feelings is scary. Ritsu wished he didn’t have to have romantic feelings for people. Things would be easier if he wasn’t getting these mushy feelings in the way of everything.

“Ritsu, you look horrible―Did you even get any proper sleep last night?” Mao scolds as he drags Ritsu out of bed.

_ No, he didn’t get any sleep at all. _ His mind was filled with Mao. Though, it’s not like Ritsu could say that aloud, right? Mao would be weirded out and sheepishly laugh to hide his grossed-out feelings, right? Ritsu is aware that Mao doesn’t like it when Ritsu says weird things like that. Ritsu quietly gets up as Mao talks about homework.

“Are you sure you want to go to school, Ritsu? You really don’t look any good,” Mao says as he touches Ritsu’s cheek. Ritsu stares at his tight fists as he ponders if he should just skip out today. Surely, Knights and his classmates would understand when Mao says Ritsu didn’t look so good. Though, it feels pathetic to say he got sick because he stayed up, just thinking about those messy feelings for the person in front of him.

Mao looks at him concerningly, asking Ritsu to take care of himself while Mao goes to school. Ritsu nods as he bids Mao goodbye. He can’t even voice out an apology because he’s scared he’ll ask Mao to stay with him. He doesn’t want to appear as a brat to Mao. Not now, especially.

Ritsu flops back down to his bed once Mao was gone. Ritsu hates it. Ritsu wants these feelings to disappear. He doesn’t want to confess his feelings because a part of him knows he’ll get rejected. There’s no use in being in love with someone who won’t love him back. Ritsu should know that yet his heart wants to be hopeful. If Mao has stuck with Ritsu for this long, surely, he loves Ritsu too, right? Ritsu thinks that’s wishful thinking.

Ritsu closes his eyes and dreams of warm comforting arms wrapped tightly around his waist and sweet words being whispered into his ears. He knows that it's not real but he would like it to be. Just for a short while, he wants to pretend that Mao likes him back. Even if it’s useless and harmful, he wants to pretend that he’s loved by Mao the same way Ritsu loves Mao.

“ _ Ritsu. _ ”

Ritsu slowly wakes up to Mao’s concerned face as he carefully touches Ritsu’s face. Mao scoots closer to Ritsu and whispers if Ritsu was okay. Ritsu nods slowly. He wants to be hugged but he stops himself from voicing such a request. Mao looks tired. Ritsu doesn’t want to tire Mao out even more with his foolish requests. Mao’s hand softly caressing his cheek is enough. Even if it’s not much, it’s enough for now.

“ _ Did you have a nightmare? _ ”

Ritsu shakes his head. Ritsu wonders what led Mao to that conclusion? Was Ritsu crying? Ritsu touches his own cheek, it’s a little wet. Why did Ritsu cry? Ritsu’s heart twists in his chest as his mind wanders to those hurtful thoughts from last night. Please, don’t cry in front of Ma-kun. It’ll only make him more pathetic-looking than he already is.

Mao presses his head deep into the bed as he mumbled his dislike for Ritsu’s tears. He doesn’t like it when Ritsu is sad. If possible, he’s willing to dispose of anything that would cause Ritsu’s tears. Even if it’s risky, he wants to be able to only see Ritsu’s smile.

“I don’t get it,” Ritsu voices out such a risky thought. He wants to laugh but he can’t. These messy feelings Mao invoke in Ritsu bloom painfully. Ritsu can’t take it. Why is he always invoking them? Doesn’t he know the damage he’s causing? He better take responsible, Ritsu bitterly thought as he looks away from Mao.

“Why do you keep doing this to me? It hurts, you know.”

Ritsu feels ugly for saying these crude things but he can’t hold it in anymore. They hurt. They hurt so much. Ritsu wished Mao didn’t do this to him.

Mao doesn’t get it. Of course, Mao doesn’t get it. Ritsu never voiced these painful feelings for him. Why should he? He’ll just get rejected, right? Mao doesn’t like whiny brats like Ritsu. Mao likes soft, humble people. He falls in love with sweet-voice hard workers. He always chooses people who are so drastically far from Ritsu as his types. Ritsu gets it. Mao would never like Ritsu. There’s no need to keep invoking these painful feelings anymore, Ma-kun. It’ll just be painful if Mao keeps it up.

“Just say you don’t like me, stop pushing yourself―I can’t take it anymore,” Ritsu cries. He really can’t take it anymore. Ritsu doesn’t want to be in pain anymore. Ma-kun, just tell Ritsu the truth. Ritsu can’t do it anymore. He feels like he’s falling apart if Mao keeps whispering these useless lies into his ears.

“ _ Ritsu, what are you going on about? _ ” Mao asks with such a pained and confused face.

Stop trying to pretend like you don’t know the damage you’re inflicting, Ma-kun. Ritsu isn’t stupid. Ritsu isn’t stupid at all. Ritsu knows Mao is just taking advantage of Ritsu’s feelings towards Mao and using it as a way to get some confidence boost. Ritsu isn’t a child. He knows a self-praising fool when he sees one.

Ritsu roughly wipes his tears away and tells Mao not to lie. It’s not good to lie, you know? It’s been said that kids who lie turn out to be assholes in the near future. Ritsu may be in pain because of Mao right now but he’d never want to wish bad things upon Mao. Ritsu isn’t that type of person. He may feel hurt by Mao’s words but he’s still stupid enough to be in love with Mao.

“ _ You know just as much as I do that I love you! _ ” Ritsu confesses. Isn’t this great? Ritsu couldn’t sing his feelings out in a romantic way, he had to confess in such an ugly, messy way that obviously would lead to rejection. He’s confessing in such an untimely manner. It’s terrible. It’s horrible. It leaves a bitter taste in Ritsu’s mouth. Ritsu wants to curl up into a ball after this.

Surely, Mao would never want to be associated with him ever again. Ritsu is going to miss having Mao’s warmth by his side.

Ritsu doesn’t know if he should be pushing away from Mao’s warm, tight hugs. Ritsu doesn’t want to. Ritsu wants to sob into Mao, even though that it’ll provoke more pain in him. Ritsu wants to hold onto Mao tightly as the other combs through his hair and whisper apologies into his ear. Ritsu doesn’t want Mao to leave him. He really doesn’t.

_ Please don’t leave me, Ma-kun _ .

Ritsu rests his head on Mao’s shoulder. Don’t leave, Ritsu wants to voice that out. Should he? Hasn’t he caused enough trouble? Don’t make this any harder, Ritsu. Ritsu knows that Mao is only pitying him. He doesn’t actually like Ritsu. He’s just pitying Ritsu who’s a  _ goddamn shitshow _ . Surely, there’s someone else out there that Mao likes. Ritsu’s mind runs through a series of other people that Ritsu  _ just know _ that Mao has shown some form of interest. They have a better chance at being with Mao than Ritsu.

Though Ritsu tells himself all of that, he still grips tightly to Mao.

“I’m sorry,” Ritsu finally says after a long pause of silence. He doesn’t have a lot of energy after all that crying. He hopes Mao is aware of that.

Mao takes a deep breath as he readjusted himself. He sits up as he brushes Ritsu’s fringe aside. There’s a lot to be said, Ritsu is aware of that. Ritsu doesn’t know if he wants to talk about it. He has to talk about it, though. He can’t keep hiding these feelings away from Mao. It’s too late now. After that failure of a confession, Ritsu can’t pretend anymore. There’s no use in trying to pretend like he didn’t mean it.

“I think it’s you who needs to stop lying to yourself, Ritchan.”

Mao holds Ritsu’s face as he asks Ritsu who has been telling Ritsu these terrible things. Who has been telling Ritsu that Mao has been using Ritsu’s feelings for his own gain? Who has been telling Ritsu that Mao doesn’t actually care about Ritsu? Mao doesn’t understand how Ritsu thinks at all. All of those harmful thoughts―They’re lies. Mao would never hurt Ritsu like that. Ritsu should know that.

Mao yanks the blanket over Ritsu’s head. Ritsu yelps as Mao giggles at Ritsu’s distress. Mao asks Ritsu to come closer to him, he hoists the other up to sit on his lap. Ritsu looks at him confusedly as Mao smiles softly. Ritsu doesn’t understand how Mao thinks either.

“You’re so beautiful,” Mao says breathlessly, almost as if he was in awe of Ritsu. Ritsu rests his arms on Mao’s shoulder, is this all that Mao wants to do? Ritsu doesn’t understand him at all.

Mao shakes his head. He apologises for the delay, he’s just trying to take in the view in front of him. He’s been dreaming about this kind of scene for so long. To see it actually happen, Mao can’t help but want to savor it for a little longer than planned. Ritsu looks away from Mao. What an embarrassing person, Mao is.

“ _ Ritchan, _ ” Mao calls for him as he brings Ritsu’s hand close to his lips. Ritsu feels embarrassed when Mao does that. His gestures send Ritsu mixed signals. An anxious part of him saying that Mao is going to reject him while another screams about how unlikely such a soft extravagant gesture would lead to rejection. Ritsu feels like a mess, just feeling Mao’s mouth against his knuckles.

“ _ Let me love you. _ ” 

Mao kisses Ritsu’s knuckles, it makes Ritsu feel red. Ritsu stutters as Mao places Ritsu’s hand against his cheek. Mao tells Ritsu that he wants to love Ritsu with everything if Ritsu lets him. He wants to prove to Ritsu that all of those scary harmful thoughts that plague Ritsu’s mind wrong. He wants to make every single one of Ritsu’s fear disappear. He just wants to make Ritsu happy. He’ll do anything for Ritsu. He promises to deliver every single one of Ritsu’s wishes as best as he can.

“Then, show me.”

“Huh?” Mao tilts his head in confusion.

“Show me that you love me, please.”

Ritsu wants assurance. Ritsu wants Mao to show him that Mao is the one that’s right,  _ not Ritsu _ . Ritsu wants to be shown that Mao is in love with Ritsu. Ritsu doesn’t want words anymore. Ritsu wants to be showered with love. Ritsu wants Mao to hold him tight and kiss him breathless. Ritsu wants Mao to prove to him that he’s loved. Ritsu doesn’t think that words can assure him anymore. Mao just saying  _ I love you _ doesn’t scare away the feeling that Mao is lying at all. Ritsu wants to be shown, instead. Please prove Ritsu wrong. Ritsu wants to believe Mao that he loves him.

Mao smiles sweetly when Ritsu asks to be shown the love Mao wants to pour. He kisses Ritsu’s palm and professes his love for Ritsu once more.

Mao drags Ritsu closer to kiss him by tugging tightly to the blanket that hangs above Ritsu’s head. He laughs brightly when he hears Ritsu make a surprised noise. Really, Ritsu can’t handle this guy at all. Ritsu tightens the grip he has on Mao’s shoulder when Mao leaves butterfly kisses all over his face. Sweetly, he whispers all of his favourite things about Ritsu. Every time Mao whispers something sweet, he kisses Ritsu softly.

Ritsu wonders if those things that Mao says about Ritsu are true. Ritsu hopes they are. Ritsu wants to believe that they are true. Ritsu wants to be as nice as Mao says he is. Ritsu wants to be as caring as Mao says he is. Ritsu wants to be as worthy of love as Mao always puts it when he kisses Ritsu. Ritsu wants to believe those words. He really does.

“ _ I’ll say it as many times as you want, Ritchan―I love you. _ ”

Ritsu’s breath hitches. It can’t be helped that Ritsu feels strange when he hears Mao say it. Mao said  _ I love you _ . It blooms a warm feeling in Ritsu’s chest. Mao said  _ I love you _ . Mao said it. Ritsu has been wishing for this kind of scene for a long time now. He’s been dreaming of this kind of scene for a long time. He’s been wanting to hear Mao say those three words. A part of Ritsu breaks, he cries as Mao calls for him softly.

“ _ Ma-kun, _ ” Ritsu cries as he holds Mao tightly. He wants to say those words too. He wants to shower Mao with love too. He wants Mao to know he’s loved too. Though Ritsu has never been good at expressing his emotions, he wants to express how much he loves Mao too.

“ _ I love you too―I really do love you a lot, Ma-kun! _ ”

  
Mao is so warm. Ritsu never wants to let go of Mao ever. Though his confession was not done the way he would like it to be, he’s happy enough with the fact that these messy blooming feelings weren’t one-sided. He’s happy to feel every single one of his worries about confessing to Mao melt away when Mao whispers  _ I love you _ sweetly like a secret that only the two of them share. Ritsu presses his forehead against Mao’s and laughs; though the start was bitter, Ritsu never wants such a sweet-tasting moment to disappear. He wants to cherish this moment till the end of time.

**Author's Note:**

> The ending kind of feels choppy but well, this is a drabble after all so it stops wherever it stops lol  
> its been a long while since i wrote a ritsu pov and thats bc every time i do, its always so depressing skjdns  
> I try to be positive when writing ritsu pov but somehow it doesnt turn out positive at all skdjnsd  
> I'm sorry for that orz  
> anyway I hope you had fun reading  
> thank you for reading!!  
> (if you want, you can talk to me on twt [@drunkossan](https://twitter.com/drunkossan))


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